Monday, June 19, 2006

...then laugh, leaning back in my arms, for life is not a paragraph, and death I think is no parenthesis.
-e.e. cummings

Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.
-Dag Hammarskjold

My feeling is that there is nothing in life but refraining from hurting others, and comforting those who are sad.
-Olive Schreiner

It's such a straightforward sort of colour.
I never squint at a black tee shirt, wondering if it goes with my black jeans.
I never have to get up in the morning, thinking "I wonder what colour I'll wear today."
And black goes with anything.
As long as the anything is black.
- Neil Gaiman

The agony in my fears mirrors the blood of my bitter solitude.
-Lemuel W. H. Ranier

It was then, staring into the fear, that my tortured existence was truly born.

How do I say goodbye to what we had, the good times that made us laugh outweigh the bad, I thought we'd get to see forever, but forevers gone away - it's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

Garden Progress

Here's an update on the garden. Don't mind the weeds please, I haven't worked in it for a few days. Below is the lone squash plant, I'm hoping one plant doesn't overwhelm me with squash.

Three of the tomato plants. See the little baby tomatoes! The fencing is to keep out bunnies and naughty next door neighbor children :)

Parsley plants

The basil plants, they really took off this week after the rain.

The sunflowers all died, naughty children next door kept pulling them out of the pot. The thyme is still growing, the chives are about half dead, and the cucumber plant is still alive if I can just get it into the ground! Never got the spinach and onions seeds planted, probably too hot now.

My new toy


My cutie

Sunday, June 11, 2006

The Parable of Twins

I got this in my email one day, I don't know the author, but I find it heartwarming and soothing. It has a deeper meaning if you listen.

The Parable of Twins

Once upon a time, twin boys were conceived. Weeks passed and the twins developed. As their awareness grew, they laughed for joy, "Isn't it great that we were conceived" Isn't it great to be alive?"

Together the twins explored their world. When they found their mother's cord that gave them life, they sang for joy! "How great is our mother's love that she shares her own life with us!"

As weeks stretched into months, the twins noticed how much each was changing, "What does it mean?" asked one.

"It means our stay in this world is drawing to an end." said the other

"But I don't want to go," said one. "I want to stay here always."

"We have no choice," said the other. "But maybe there is life after birth."

"But how can there be?" responded one. "We will shed our life cord and how is life possible without it? Besides we have seen evidence that others were here before us and none of them has returned to tell us there is life after birth. No, this is the end. Maybe there is no mother at all."

"But there has to be," protrested the other. "How else did we get here? How do we remain alive?"

"Have you ever seen our mother?" said one. "Maybe she only lives in our minds. Maybe we made her up because the idea made us feel good."

The other replied "well if you are very quiet, you might hear her sing and feel how she carassess our little world."

Romantic quotes

Ok don't ask what got into me.............

"Love is, above all, the gift of oneself."- Jean Anouilh

"A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one."- Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

"Love is the life of the soul. It is the harmony of the universe."- William Ellery Channing

"If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand."- Unknown

"Love doesn't make the world go 'round; love is what makes the ride whorthwhile."- Franklin P. Jones

"Where there is love there is life."- Gandhi

I am my Beloved's and my Beloved is mine. - The Song of Solomon

I have nothing more to give you than my heart. - Spanish saying

Here is my heart, guard it well. - French saying
"She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes"
-Lord Byron

Saturday, June 03, 2006


It's always there, right on the edge, just waiting for the perfect time. It waits til I think things are going ok, til I think that once again I have it under control and it rears it's ugly little head. Tonight out of the blue, reading a book, it came, this time it tried a new method, instead of someone saying something or me seeing something to bring on the darkness, it just came, hit me like a brick, was an overwhelming feeling of sadness. Oh well, not like I haven't been down this road before, luckily anymore the road is short and I know the path, not like it was years ago. Years ago........... I don't even have the words to say what transpired in those years, just know to the one who was there that if you are reading this, I am truly sorry. Wow the years have flown by, much has changed and sadly much has stayed the same. I feel trapped, I feel trapped by decisions I made and by decisions that were thrust upon me. Maybe everyone feels this way, or maybe I am alone in this feeling too. I think I'm more angry about the decisions I made, God help me I tried to make the right decisions, they seemed to be right at the time, but now, now all I see is an empty future, I see no reason why anyone would want to be with me, I see no hope for things changing. The future I long for scares me, the future I hope for is so distant it seems like a dream. Maybe all this is a dream, maybe what's beyond this life is reality......maybe. But for now I will go to bed, cry myself to sleep yet again, I will be thankful for what I do have which is so much more than so many, I will wake up tomorrow and try again and I will be ashamed for putting down these thoughts for letting this part of me out for even this short amount of time, but I know it's needed. So off to bed I go with my dogs and my cat, knowing that it will be ok and the darkness will fade.